Jun 2010
One Week
Mon 28 Jun 2010 Filed in: Grief Notes | My Life
There might actually be words to adequately describe this last week, but I don’t know what they are. The words seem too diluted and impotent. Perhaps I am too weary with grief, and one day, the words will do. Or perhaps not.
Has it only been a week since that terrible phone call injected the death of a son into what had been a happy Fathers Day? I have functioned in a frustrating fog, and were it not for the graciousness of a lot of loving people, I might well have not functioned at all, lost in a paralyzing labyrinth of grief. They have cleaned an apartment, distributed furniture, planned a memorial service, dealt with the coroner, packed a car, cared for a cat, invested time that they could ill afford to lose; they have found more ways than I can list to say I love you. How will I ever find enough ways to say thank you?
The Modesto memorial service captured well Matt’s uncompromising commitment to the Lord and the truth of His Word. It was painfully joyful - and joyfully painful. My son enjoyed a deep and intimate relationship with the Lord, and his impact on the lives of others has been profound. Seeing the evidence of that again has been one of the great joys of this week.
How are you doing? People who love me keep asking that question, though I suspect they know the answer better than I. I hurt. I’m home now, and the house is quiet. The joyful reminders that Matt once lived here are also the painful reminders of his absence. Doing is probably the right word; I’m pretty sure I’m not done.
Has it only been a week since that terrible phone call injected the death of a son into what had been a happy Fathers Day? I have functioned in a frustrating fog, and were it not for the graciousness of a lot of loving people, I might well have not functioned at all, lost in a paralyzing labyrinth of grief. They have cleaned an apartment, distributed furniture, planned a memorial service, dealt with the coroner, packed a car, cared for a cat, invested time that they could ill afford to lose; they have found more ways than I can list to say I love you. How will I ever find enough ways to say thank you?
The Modesto memorial service captured well Matt’s uncompromising commitment to the Lord and the truth of His Word. It was painfully joyful - and joyfully painful. My son enjoyed a deep and intimate relationship with the Lord, and his impact on the lives of others has been profound. Seeing the evidence of that again has been one of the great joys of this week.
How are you doing? People who love me keep asking that question, though I suspect they know the answer better than I. I hurt. I’m home now, and the house is quiet. The joyful reminders that Matt once lived here are also the painful reminders of his absence. Doing is probably the right word; I’m pretty sure I’m not done.
Comments
I Know...
I know Matt is now freer than he has ever been. I know his wonder at God’s grace is growing in God’s presence. I know his pastoral heart that wept with those who weep is weeping no more. I know that his outrageous sense of humor has blossomed into unfettered joy. I know that his Redeemer and mine lives. I know that the Lord he loves has welcomed him home.
And I know that what I know, and what I don’t know, doesn’t erase the pain now that will become joy then.
Summer Comes to Seattle
Sun 20 Jun 2010 Filed in: Photos
Summer officially arrives this weekend, and eventually the sunshine will arrive as well. But today, God is busy watering my world, keeping the grass green and making things grow. I like the rain. Cool and rainy suits me a lot better than hot and humid, so I’m smiling as I welcome summer.
Tea
Handicapping Horses
People who know me well are aware that I am not much of a betting man. My risk tolerance tends to be pretty low. But now I had a dilemma: Would I feel guilty at the end of the day if I left with the same $5 bill in my pocket, knowing it had not been used for its intended purpose? I briefly wondered if the parable of the talents applied to this situation.
The horse did not come in first. Or second. Or third. The race started and went well until the horses were about 1/3 of the way around the track. Then my horse (my horse??) stopped. I don’t know much about races, but I’m pretty sure that if you don’t finish the race, you can’t win. (There is an important spiritual lesson here somewhere....) Then the horse turned around and started walking - yes, walking - back to the beginning.
It was an enjoyable day, but I won’t be returning to the track anytime soon. If someone gives me another day at the races with a free lunch thrown in, I’ll probably go. And if they give me some betting money, I just might use it. But next time, I’m using the favorite number method.
Because He's Worth It
Sun 06 Jun 2010 Filed in: Reflections
Driving through this morning’s random drips on the way to church, I found myself idly wondering why I am doing this - “this” being going to church. It’s a habit, and I live in culture where most people aren’t in the habit of going to church. There was no resentment to my question; I simply hadn’t bothered asking myself why lately.
Lots of people have given up on church. They used to go, but they discovered their church was less than perfect - sometimes a lot less. I understand that. I have been in a lot of imperfect churches and even pastored a couple of them. People do stupid things. They become consumed with the organization; they treat it like a club; God gets lost; people get hurt and leave and don’t come back.
I’ve seen all of that, but I’m still a habitual church attender, and in this morning’s drizzle I pondered why. I love the people, but it is more than social need that keeps the habit alive. The relationship with Christ that began six decades ago gets fed when I worship, and worship is best done in community. Simply stated, I am doing this because He is worth it.
Lots of people have given up on church. They used to go, but they discovered their church was less than perfect - sometimes a lot less. I understand that. I have been in a lot of imperfect churches and even pastored a couple of them. People do stupid things. They become consumed with the organization; they treat it like a club; God gets lost; people get hurt and leave and don’t come back.
I’ve seen all of that, but I’m still a habitual church attender, and in this morning’s drizzle I pondered why. I love the people, but it is more than social need that keeps the habit alive. The relationship with Christ that began six decades ago gets fed when I worship, and worship is best done in community. Simply stated, I am doing this because He is worth it.
I can take a hint....
Thu 03 Jun 2010 Filed in: Humor
Waste of the day
Wed 02 Jun 2010 Filed in: Hmmm...
Today’s Dumb Award goes to Kathleen Sebelius, Secretary of Health and Human Services, whom I do not know personally. Kathy mailed me a lovely four-page full color slick brochure extolling the benefits of the new health care law for the medicare crowd of which I am now a part. One of my favorite parts was the explanation of how reducing funding for medicare advantage will make that program better. Maybe it’s my good Scottish thrifty background showing up, but this piece of junk mail, sent at government expense is worthless. One more tax dollar down the rabbit hole with Alice. Nice going, Kath.
